“I've been in a BLOCK Home for almost 2 years now. I still can't believe how fortunate this is. Thinking back to my life before having a place to exist on my own, I was obviously very unhappy and unwell. It's an odd and devastating thing, not having a place to belong. In my own hometown, a place I worked, lived, and made friends for years, I felt unwelcome, unwanted, and even hated at times because I didn't have a place I was allowed to be, everywhere you go is either someone else's property or a public space with restrictions and limitations.”
This is the way I was first introduced to Peter, a BLOCK Home resident, through a letter he wrote to the FH team. He has a beautiful way of putting his experiences into words, making them accessible to those who have never experienced housing instability, or homelessness. So that as a collective, we can start shifting the narrative of what causes homelessness and what it feels like to be in that place. His words also illustrate the resilience and support that a human being in such a situation must have, in order to not only survive, but find a way out and thrive.
What I see as I listen to him, is a warrior, a very kind and smart individual who is currently working on his overall well-being, in part due to the stability that a permanent home and community support have provided as a foundation. I also see a family member who is intentional about finding ways to stay connected with his loved ones. His vision is for all of us to feel welcome in his world; a world where compassion, healing, and growth, as well as critical thinking, are the pillars of his daily life.
I have always loved having a conversation of any kind over tea or coffee. It feels as if you have just entered an oasis, in the midst of a long and arduous journey. The day I met Peter had been hectic but when we connected over Zoom, our tea was ready and everything else faded away. It was just two strangers in a quiet space, sharing vulnerable life experiences with the common goal of humanizing homelessness so that our lives in this society can be a bit more oasis-like, for all of us.
During the first minutes of our talk, I asked about the paintings and decorations in his home. He shared that for a long time during his earlier adult years, he never dared to hang things on the wall because it was not guaranteed that he would be able to stay permanently. “Why get attached when you will have to leave?”
I understood that thought pattern all too well. As a 27-year-old woman who has been living on her own since her early twenties, I have gotten used to never really getting rid of my moving boxes. I know it is not positive for my well-being, having to move every year. Through this conversation, I imagine what it might be like for someone in a similar circumstance, without the privilege of knowing what will happen next and without the community or resources to be safe and secure. How would I respond to living somewhere where I can’t display the photographs of my loved ones or have my plants and other important items that ground me?
Peter shared with me later that day that it took him some time and work with his therapist to finally start hanging pictures and decorating his own space. And he has never felt happier, he says. Behind his gamer chair, I saw an orchid and I asked him its story.
“So just recently, my sister and her boyfriend moved to Hawaii. And as they were finishing removing all that they had to take with them, they completely forgot this very special orchid by the window. It’s very special because it’s an orchid that they got when they started dating. A love orchid! So they were like, Hey bud. Here's a plant. Don’t let it die. Oh, no pressure though. And now it’s blooming! And nowadays, I have more beautiful things surrounding me. I love this plant because it has a story from my sister.”
Peter also shared more about his journey to become a BLOCK Home Resident and what it has meant to have permanent supportive housing. “Even though I was born here, I lived in other areas of the country. But 2018 came, and I moved back to my friend’s apartment. I lived with him for a year or so, but then the whole housing situation changed, and I knew that I was going to have to leave. Then with time, this became even grimmer, because, with COVID, I was not making any money. And that’s when I realized… I’m going to be homeless again..”
He stayed in a shelter for a while, and accessed social services to start navigating a new route to take.
“While I was at the shelter, … I worked as a transcriber with my computer and tried to stay sharp. Staying at a shelter is very hard. And then one day my counselor mentioned the possibility of becoming a BLOCK Home resident. I realized, okay, this is going to change my life. At that time, I started preparing myself for what would come next, still, I had a hard time believing this could really happen! And then she was like, ‘we're pretty sure we're gonna be able to get you in, it seems like it's gonna happen!’ - But you know, I cannot operate in that headspace until it's actually happening. And it did!”
When talking about life in a BLOCK Home, and the changes he made to start this new chapter, I asked him how it felt to move into a small space, and to know that it would be his? He responded that it seemed as though he had always been inspired to live in a space like this. He does not need much, his requirements and needs when it comes to a home are minimal. He wants to know that his way of living is leaving the minimum footprint in our fighting planet.
Peter has embarked on a journey of self-healing by accessing all the support he needed while enjoying the well-being that a permanent home provides, including re-connecting with his family.
Using his talent and skills with computers, he created ways for his family to interact from a distance and through shared activities. He created a server where all his siblings can connect from anywhere in the US. Together they decorate houses in their own virtual world, embark on missions, and talk about life. This is one of the biggest accomplishments that he has seen since he started living here, he says. It is an opportunity to enjoy time through games and is also so much more than that.
"We've been able to talk about serious issues, about the world, the challenges we've shared, what our roles are in this life, and what we hope for in the future. I feel like I actually have a family now, which is truly remarkable considering how fractured our family and lives have been. The effect of all this has had positive compounding impacts on all our lives."
When Peter moved to the first BLOCK home, he focused on his mental health. It weighed on him as it does so many of us. The worst feeling to live with, based on his experience, is to feel as if you are a dead weight to friends and society. “But you must never cave into that feeling. It is simply not true. You exist, and that is enough!” So when he started working at Amazon as a Shopper, he found the flexibility to shift his schedule when needed to take care of himself with no fear of losing his job. Peter Shared the following about his experience.
“It seems people don't like to be reminded that our current way of life doesn't exactly work for or accommodate every unique individual. Despite it working for the vast majority of people, our collective method for navigating life, our standards for living, and social expectations have gaps and glitches at the edges and it can be haunting to be reminded of that, especially when it's going well for you. I don't blame people for feeling that way, why let a small few ruin or pop the bubble for everyone else, it's reasonable to protect that. However, in our hyper-connected world, what impacts one individual has a network effect on those around them, good and bad. In academic environments, workplaces, and even churches, whenever someone passes away, there is often a multitude of individuals and professionals called upon to support and encourage those impacted by the loss. What experience can be imagined for those that don't have that support, especially if a loved one is lost in a traumatic way, especially intentionally?
For good swathes of my life I've often felt like I didn't want to exist and didn't have hope for my future. At the very least I wanted to have a place to sleep and something useful to do, otherwise why be here?
Through my involvement with Facing Homelessness and the BLOCK Project, I've had an improvement in practically every aspect of my life. I no longer live minute by minute, I don't want to die every moment of the day, I can think about tomorrow, the day after, the week after, I can even plan things months out, and recently have begun thinking about the next few years of my life and what I'd like to accomplish. These are not trivial things, there are so many foundational and essential aspects of life that must be secure in order for any of those thoughts or dreams to matter and even be worth the thought. When you're hungry, that's the only thing you can think about, when you're tired with no safe place to rest, that's the only thing you can think about.
Another side-effect to having a safe place to live and even thrive is the network effect I mentioned before. I don't live in a vacuum, I have friends and family that are irrevocably intertwined in my life and who are impacted by my own outcome. I am happy to say I still cannot believe this is my life now. I talk with my family almost every single night over the internet. This is unprecedented in our family and was a very unlikely outcome, and yet we've never been this close and connected before. They don't have a suicidal brother to worry about and instead have an ally in their own journey through life. For that to even be possible I would need a place to do it, a device that can access the internet, an internet connection, and electricity to make all that happen. Again, these are not trivial things.
BLOCK Home provides so much more than just four walls and a roof, it provides stability to think about the future, it provides a safe place to exist and hopefully even grow, and it provides the means to connect and interact with others on equal footing. The value that adds to my life and to those around me is immeasurable, my life has objectively improved and with that so has my family's, I can't think of a more precious gift or contribution to the world.”
Peter, along with all of our other BLOCK Residents as well as our Window of Kindness visitors have, through their stories and engagement, shaped every single program at Facing Homelessness. We are most successful at addressing homelessness when we listen and engage with our neighbors most impacted. Thank you Peter, we are grateful for you.
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