JUST SAY HELLO| Part One
So, you see a person standing outside the grocery store with a hopeful look on their face. You know too many of our neighbors are trying to survive without housing or other basic needs. And you care! But you’re not sure what to do. So, maybe you avoid eye contact and rush into the store, hoping they are gone by the time you come out again, but promising yourself you’ll do something to help next time.
Not everyone feels comfortable right away when it comes to approaching and connecting with a person who appears to be in need, someone who might be living unhoused. But it has been my experience that it helps to be prepared and it gets easier with practice. In a series of posts, I’m going to share some strategies that have helped me engage in a supportive way.
Start with the right frame of mind. It’s so important to walk up to someone with sincere nonjudgement and kindness in your heart! Your feelings and intentions can be felt by the other person. If you’ve had a crazy day and you’re feeling stressed, this might be a time when a nod and a gentle “Hello” as you walk by is the best choice. Save more personal interactions for another day. Don’t assume someone wants to interact with you. Never force an interaction and don’t assume anything. Try to be mindful of their comfort level and potential need for privacy, which are more important than your desire to help. Make eye contact and watch their body language. If either are telling you not to approach, a nod, a smile and a friendly “hello” might be the best strategy.
Introduce yourself. If you feel ready to do more and you sense an openness to interaction, act the same way with a person flying a sign asking for help as you would with anyone else: With courtesy and respect. Say “hello,” tell them your name, and then ask them for theirs. (Bonus: try to remember it so you can address them by name the next time you see them!) Have you ever had someone you just recently met call you by name? It has the potential to make a person feel especially valued.
Depending on your comfort level and their reaction to you (as well as your vaccination status), you might also offer to shake their hand (especially if you are both masked), just as you would if you were being introduced to a new colleague. A polite introduction can go a long way in helping someone feel seen and cared for.
Offer through a question. You don’t need to wait for someone to ask for help. If the opportunity presents itself, you might ask them:
“Could you use a little help today?” This is often what I say if I’m offering something to someone.
“Can I buy you a sandwich?” Shopping for them while you are shopping for yourself is a great way to handle that grocery store scenario.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” And if their request is more than you feel comfortable doing, you might say, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that for you, but I’d be happy to >fill in the blank< if that would help?” It’s OK to have boundaries and respect your own comfort level.
Keep a little cash handy. I hate fumbling through my wallet when a person asks for help, so I always keep two or three dollar bills ready in my pocket or coin purse, and in the console of my car. If you feel uncomfortable giving cash, you might invest in some food gift cards to carry with you.
Keep snacks or other essentials in your purse, backpack or car. I carry extra protein bars in my purse, and keep extra water bottles, socks, or care kits, gloves and hand warmers in the winter just behind the passenger seat of my car so I can safely and easily grab them to hand out at a stop sign. But safety first! As much as I want to help someone, when in my car, my rule is to think of the person’s safety first. If my handing them something as I’m driving by might put them in danger of being hit by another car, I don’t do it.
If engaging with someone in need is new to you, start small. It helps to prepare ahead of time so you feel less awkward in the moment. And remember— they are just another beautiful important person like you. Regardless of their circumstances, they deserve the good things in life as much as you do.
If you’re ever in doubt, Just Say Hello. Being seen is a basic human need, and “hello” is the simplest entry point. Sometimes a hello is all we can give and that’s OK. Social connection is healing—for all of us. So……What is your favorite way to say “Hello?” Let us know!
Shared in the loving spirit of this community,
Shelli| Facing Homelessness Board Member
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JustsayHELLO