“justsayHELLO” But, how?
This is the third post in a series offering thoughts on engaging with our neighbors in need. This post includes some ideas for putting together Care Kits which can be another way to help out and share a little love and compassion!
When my time and finances allow, I build small care kits to distribute to folks in need.
I like to include:
-Several protein bars and other healthy snacks. (It’s a good idea to find things that are easy to chew because dental issues are common for people who’ve been without healthcare for a long time.)
-At least a few individually wrapped candies (chocolate when the weather is cool enough)!
-Individual packets of Kleenex and/or bandanas
-Hand sanitizer and small packet of baby wipes
-Toothbrush/small toothpaste/floss
-Toiletries (shampoo, conditioner, deodorant and lotion - travel size)
-Washcloth
-Small packets or containers of ibuprofen/acetaminophen/pepto
-Small first aid items: bandaids, alcohol wipes, antibiotic ointment, q-tips
-These days, a few face masks
-Socks
-Stocking caps, hand/toe warmers and gloves when the weather is cold
-Sunscreen when it’s hot
-Maybe a small can or two of meat (such as tuna) or individual peanut butter containers
-A couple of lunch-sized fruit containers
-Sometimes a small notebook, or sketchbook and pens/pencils, or a paperback book
-I keep a separate bag of feminine hygiene products to add when appropriate
-Sometimes I will put a few cups of dry dog food into plastic bags to give out to the pooches I come across
-Any other small items I come across that I think I might appreciate if I was in their shoes
-I like to include a little cash (or gift card)
It also never hurts to ask people what would be helpful to include if you get the opportunity, and let their responses guide you. I keep my eyes open all year for these types of items on sale, and stock up when I can. Buying in bulk can help offset the costs, and Dollar stores can be a good source, too, but be careful to check for quality.
I pack the items into a large zip-lock plastic bag to keep them dry and include a few extra plastic shopping bags (for trash or that washcloth when it’s wet). I also add at least a couple of clean black garbage bags rolled up, which don’t take up much space and can be used in many helpful ways: to put a sleeping bag into to keep it dry; to place under a sleeping bag so moisture from the ground doesn’t seep in; to place on top of a sleeping bag to help keep the rain off; or to use as a rain poncho. (Keeping your belongings dry is always a challenge when you live outside in the PNW!)
The care kits go into my car, or I might hand them out personally at an encampment, or I donate a bunch to the Window of Kindness or a local mutual aid pop-up. I also try to keep bottled water on hand to distribute with the care kits; refillable containers (BPA free!) are even better if you find them on sale. Water is always important, but especially in summer months!
Anyone out there have other ideas?
Shared in the loving spirit of this community,
Shelli, a Facing Homelessness Board Member
A QUIET THOUGHT - If you’re moved by the goodness of this community, please visit http://www.facinghomelessness.org/ and click on the ‘donate’ button and consider a gift that is meaningful to you--even a “monthly recurring” donation of just $5 in support of the work. THANK YOU!
#justsayhello #facinghomelessness #kindness #TheBLOCKProject
JustsayHELLO
JUST SAY HELLO| Part Two
This is the second post in a series offering thoughts on connecting with our neighbors in need.
We all have days when we don’t want to engage with others. There are factors in our lives that make us more introverted or extroverted, more or less trusting. This is just as true for unhoused folks as anyone else.
Experiencing homelessness can be traumatic! We often hear reports of neighbors in need being disrespected, or even physically hurt or abused by others. As the person not currently experiencing homelessness, I believe it’s my responsibility to ensure that I’m not adding to the trauma of folks who are. I try to remember that the experience a person has with me could either hurt or help them, especially when that person is vulnerable because of the situation they are facing.
Let the other person guide the interaction. Remember days when you’ve wanted to be left alone, and other days when you’ve eagerly looked for a connection with others? It’s important to recognize the individuals we encounter who appear to need help may not want to interact with us! Just because someone is in a challenging situation, we can’t assume they want us to get involved. If our goal is to authentically connect with and help someone in need, it’s our responsibility to watch for cues and respond accordingly. Body language reveals a lot about whether a person is open to interaction, and if so, at what level. Respecting their feelings is critical!
When a person who seems to be in need obviously doesn’t want to interact with me, or seems to resent my intrusion into their world, I try to remember that perspective is perfectly understandable! I have no idea what they’ve been dealing with, so as far as I’m concerned, it’s their right to be reserved or grumpy and my responsibility not to judge.. When I sense a response like that, I try to withdraw tactfully with kindness and don’t take it personally. And sometimes I encounter a person on the street who is obviously agitated, so I just stay out of their way. I use common sense and trust that feeling in my gut to guide me in how best to relate to someone.
On the other hand, sometimes folks seem to be starving for a little love and attention. If that appears to be the case, when I have the time and feel comfortable, I engage in longer conversations, especially to listen and offer empathy for whatever they are dealing with. If a person is sitting down on the curb or sidewalk, I often sit down with them, so we are on the same level. Because of our life situations, there is a de facto power imbalance between us, so I try to minimize that as much as I can.
Appropriate respectful touch. If I have been visiting with someone and felt we’ve made a connection, I often ask them if they want a hug, though I watch their body language so I can quickly withdraw the offer if they seem uncomfortable with the suggestion. I try to remember not to assume my comfort level is the only one that matters (especially since COVID). Also, when I hand someone a power bar or some cash, I might make a point to hold their hand briefly if it seems appropriate to the situation and feels right. I remember being on the street as a kid and feeling like a pariah; someone who, if they weren’t invisible, ought to be. So, it’s important to me to convey my care through respectful touch when I can, to help them feel seen and valued. Some of the most poignant moments I have ever experienced were when I used my hands to warm the rough frigid hands of a neighbor standing in the cold (then I offer gloves!). But I only do this in situations where the person seems open to that kind of interaction based on their facial expression and body language, and our mutual eye contact. If I’m ever in doubt, I won’t go that far. I try to carefully walk the fine line of respecting someone’s space and autonomy, while also recognizing the person in front of me may be hungry for human contact.
Sometimes, time and caring attention can be the best gift you can give someone! But always lead with empathy and let their words and body language help guide you; and when in doubt, just smile and say “hello!”
Shared in the loving spirit of this community,
Shelli| Facing Homelessness Board Member
A QUIET THOUGHT - If you’re moved by the goodness of this community, please visit http://www.facinghomelessness.org/ and click on the ‘donate’ button and consider a gift that is meaningful to you--even a “monthly recurring” donation of just $5 in support of the work. THANK YOU!
#facinghomelessness #justsayhello #TheBLOCKProject #kindness #windowofkindness
JustsayHELLO
JUST SAY HELLO| Part One
So, you see a person standing outside the grocery store with a hopeful look on their face. You know too many of our neighbors are trying to survive without housing or other basic needs. And you care! But you’re not sure what to do. So, maybe you avoid eye contact and rush into the store, hoping they are gone by the time you come out again, but promising yourself you’ll do something to help next time.
Not everyone feels comfortable right away when it comes to approaching and connecting with a person who appears to be in need, someone who might be living unhoused. But it has been my experience that it helps to be prepared and it gets easier with practice. In a series of posts, I’m going to share some strategies that have helped me engage in a supportive way.
Start with the right frame of mind. It’s so important to walk up to someone with sincere nonjudgement and kindness in your heart! Your feelings and intentions can be felt by the other person. If you’ve had a crazy day and you’re feeling stressed, this might be a time when a nod and a gentle “Hello” as you walk by is the best choice. Save more personal interactions for another day. Don’t assume someone wants to interact with you. Never force an interaction and don’t assume anything. Try to be mindful of their comfort level and potential need for privacy, which are more important than your desire to help. Make eye contact and watch their body language. If either are telling you not to approach, a nod, a smile and a friendly “hello” might be the best strategy.
Introduce yourself. If you feel ready to do more and you sense an openness to interaction, act the same way with a person flying a sign asking for help as you would with anyone else: With courtesy and respect. Say “hello,” tell them your name, and then ask them for theirs. (Bonus: try to remember it so you can address them by name the next time you see them!) Have you ever had someone you just recently met call you by name? It has the potential to make a person feel especially valued.
Depending on your comfort level and their reaction to you (as well as your vaccination status), you might also offer to shake their hand (especially if you are both masked), just as you would if you were being introduced to a new colleague. A polite introduction can go a long way in helping someone feel seen and cared for.
Offer through a question. You don’t need to wait for someone to ask for help. If the opportunity presents itself, you might ask them:
“Could you use a little help today?” This is often what I say if I’m offering something to someone.
“Can I buy you a sandwich?” Shopping for them while you are shopping for yourself is a great way to handle that grocery store scenario.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” And if their request is more than you feel comfortable doing, you might say, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that for you, but I’d be happy to >fill in the blank< if that would help?” It’s OK to have boundaries and respect your own comfort level.
Keep a little cash handy. I hate fumbling through my wallet when a person asks for help, so I always keep two or three dollar bills ready in my pocket or coin purse, and in the console of my car. If you feel uncomfortable giving cash, you might invest in some food gift cards to carry with you.
Keep snacks or other essentials in your purse, backpack or car. I carry extra protein bars in my purse, and keep extra water bottles, socks, or care kits, gloves and hand warmers in the winter just behind the passenger seat of my car so I can safely and easily grab them to hand out at a stop sign. But safety first! As much as I want to help someone, when in my car, my rule is to think of the person’s safety first. If my handing them something as I’m driving by might put them in danger of being hit by another car, I don’t do it.
If engaging with someone in need is new to you, start small. It helps to prepare ahead of time so you feel less awkward in the moment. And remember— they are just another beautiful important person like you. Regardless of their circumstances, they deserve the good things in life as much as you do.
If you’re ever in doubt, Just Say Hello. Being seen is a basic human need, and “hello” is the simplest entry point. Sometimes a hello is all we can give and that’s OK. Social connection is healing—for all of us. So……What is your favorite way to say “Hello?” Let us know!
Shared in the loving spirit of this community,
Shelli| Facing Homelessness Board Member
A QUIET THOUGHT - If you're moved by the goodness of this community, please visit http://www.facinghomelessness.org/
and click on the 'donate' button and consider a "monthly recurring" donation of just $5 in support of the work. THANK YOU!
#Kindness #FacingHomelessness #JustSayHello